Democrats are idiots. And so are Republicans. In fact, the whole damn idea of having only two seperate factions to represent a broad collection of unrelated ideals is utterly moronic. Why is it that in order to be against abortion, I have to be for the death penalty, or vice-versa?
It is a well-known fact that the creators of the US Constitution didn’t want political parties. George Washington himself referred to them as “factions,” and Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson (who created the first political parties) called them “an unfortunate but necessary evil.”1 Their only purpose is to delude the public enough to hoax votes out of them, and to band together the uninformed masses to tell them what their opinions should be – for some reason, most people would rather have opinions spoonfed to them than have to think for themselves and make up their own mind.
So what party do I belong to? I belong to the only reasonable party: the logical party. All of my opinions are based on simple logic and basic moral principals (of course, we could have a long, philosophical debate on the meaning of morality, but I’m assuming that most people can at least tell right from wrong in basic, moral-related situations). I don’t understand how anyone could disagree with any of my opinions, unless they honestly haven’t given any thought of their own to any of the issues. So what are my opinions? I’m glad you asked.
Abortions
This issue is ironic because, like several other issues, the self-proclaimed “liberals” are taking a more conservative stance – that we should continue doing things the way they’ve been done for thousands of years – and the “conservatives” are taking the more liberal stance – that just because something is “traditional” doesn’t make it right. In this case, however, I agree with the liberals, and I don’t see how anyone could disagree. I mean, if a girl is raped and becomes pregnant, and she wants to have the baby, that’s fine, all the power to her; but it would not only be completely unethical, but also cruel and unusual, to force her to have the baby. I’m not saying that we should hand out abortions the way we hand out condoms or birth-control pills, but to make abortions completely illegal is just cold-hearted and inconsiderate towards the victims.
Homosexuality
What the hell difference does it make if two guys or two girls kiss? That’s the way they were born, that’s the way they feel; now quit being so goddamned insecure about your own sexuality and get over it.
I think I dealt with this topic more than enough in my previous post.
Death Penalty
This is the one issue I might accept a little leeway one way or the other. On the one hand, if a person kills 200 innocent people, he surely deserves to die himself; however, on the other hand, as the old saying goes, “If everyone took an eye-for-an-eye, we’d be left with a country of blind people.”
Here’s how I feel: the death penalty should be instituted only in the case of first-degree murder(s), and only when it can be shown with 100% certainty that the defendant is guilty. I don’t just mean beyond-a-reasonable-doubt guilty – I mean completely beyond-any-shadow-of-a-doubt even-their-own-mother-thinks-they’re-guilty guilty. And there would have to be either a huge jury of completely unopinionated peers, or some sort of replacement for a jury (not just a local judge or two), because we all know what a terrible job juries typically do in making unbiased decisions in important cases: Michael Jackson, Robert Blake, OJ Simpson, Rodney King, Clinton – shall I go on? – Hinckley, Sacco/Vanzetti, the Scopes’ monkey trial, the Lindberg baby trial, the Salam witch trials, Nixon (although that wasn’t the judge’s and/or jury’s fault), Scottsboro, Dred Scott, Plessy/Fergusson, the 3/5ths compromise (or whatever it’s called), the other one that said black-slaves are property and runaway slaves in free-states are therefore still slaves (I forget what that’s called, too), Susan B. Anthony, Lizzie Bordon – and other countries as well – Oscar Wilde, Bruno (although I don’t believe he was even tried), Socrates, Jesus Christ, Galileo – the list goes on and on; the point is, the system just does not work when prejudice or public opinion are involved, and thus, we need a better way of determining guilt absolutely before instituting the death penalty.
Immigrants
I pretty much exactly agree with Maddox on this one; and rather than trying to reiterate what he has already written, I’ll just let you read it in his own words.
Social Security
Yet another one of those issues that the “liberals” take a conservative stance on, and vice-versa. Personally, I prefer the Republicans’ plan: I’m a young, middle-class white-boy, which means I’d have everything to gain from the privatization of Social Security – it’s about time that I stop paying so much for lazy retirees who never bothered to save any money for retirement to continue living.
What really ticks me off, though, are the uninformed old people who go on television and say, “I support the President in whatever he decides to do with social security” — what the hell? What is this, a dictatorship? They’d be the ones losing on this deal. Whatever happened to the good ol’ days, when rational thought was involved in the decision-making process? Whatever happened to the days when people realized that blind devotion is akin to accepting ignorance and living one’s life as a peon to forces they don’t even understand?
Oh, wait, that never happened. My bad.
Women’s Rights
I’ve never understood why the Republicans are so strongly against the Women’s Right Treaty…
Anyways, there’s not much else to say about this one; the Women’s Rights Movement was almost 80 years ago, and we’re still a way’s away from achieving equality. Go figure.
The Living Dead
Yes, that’s right. The living dead.
Education
Here’s an idea: instead of dipping into the federal funds (you know, the ones whose deficit keeps increasing) to fund schools (via “No Child Left Behind“), why not use the state’s reserves to pay for it? OR, you could stop dropping so many damned bombs and use that money saved to educate the children…hmm…
But seriously, school vouchers piss me off somethin’-else. If you didn’t already know, school vouchers are a sneaky way of using public tax money to fund private schools. Let me say that again, in case you didn’t catch it the first time: public taxes being used to fund private schools. If our taxes are being used for private schools, why aren’t those schools being made public? Why aren’t these public taxes being used to fund the under-funded public schools?
…And isn’t this a violation of seperation of church/state (most private schools are, afterall, religious)!?
Environment
Although better emission standards would be nice, I wouldn’t want to have to pay more for gas and electricity than I already will. Besides, pollution isn’t going to kill me – my children, maybe, but probably not me.
What really pisses me off, though, is when someone goes out of their way to deliberately take a step backwards on the environmental-protection stepladder, and advertise it as the “Clear Skies Initiative” to the public, which apparently makes it less evil. Ya, as though the people will actually fall for that.
What’s that? They already did?
What the hell?
Gun Control
Some people (so I’m told by gun-activists) want to completely cut off the public sales of guns and munition. Right – because Prohibition worked real well the last time.
I say, let them have their guns; there’s no way of stopping them anyhow. Besides, as Micheal Moore thoroughly convinced me, guns aren’t the problem – however, some regulation on gun sales would be nice. Honestly, what possible purpose could be found in owning an AK47 or AWM? – they’re too powerful to shoot deer with without tearing up the meat, yet too common to really showcase as a rarity. Guns like that exist for only two reasons:
1. Killing people.
2. Satifying insecurites about having a small penis (“My gun’s bigger than yours is“).
I’m proud to say that my concealed weapon doesn’t need reloading.
Seperation of Church/State
Why is it that the same groups of people who fight so hard to preserve their constitutional right to bear arms are usually the same groups of people who strive so vehemently to blur the distinction between church and state?
I’m sure you can guess my feelings on this one (and I don’t want to get into another religious argument with my girlfriend), so I’ll leave it at that.
Conclusion
So what was my point in writing all of this, other than to prove to everyone that I’m right about everything? Well first of all, to prove to everyone that I’m right about everything. Second of all, to show that you couldn’t possibly have voted for the current president unless you were:
A. Completely uninformed.
B. Too stubborn to admit that maybe what you were taught as a child isn’t right (or that things might have changed since then).
C. Filthy Stinking Rich.
I doubt I worked at all towards that latter goal, but I thought it was funny when it popped into my head so I wrote it down anyways. Third of all, and most importantly, Republicans are idiots. And so are Democrats. In fact, you’re all idiots for not agreeing with me sooner.
Still too stubborn to admit I’m right? Write about it on your own blog; I’m sick of all your bitching.
1http://www.portlandphoenix.com/archive/features/02/01/18/feat_third.html
