One Man's Trash is Another Man's Blog

Lessons in life I’ve learned the hard way

Raja: “Heck ya, violence is funny.”
Girlfriend: “So it would be funny if I beat you?”
Raja: “That would be hilarious; I can just see you filling your purse with bricks and whacking me over the head – I’d be lying on the ground, bleeding and laughing away.”
Girlfriend: “I don’t carry a purse.”
Raja: “Then just beat me with a brick; whatever’s most convenient for you.”

Raja: “When I need dead babies, I go down to the abortion clinic.”

Girlfriend: “I shouldn’t get irritated over you asking questions.”
Raja: “Good; can we have a threesome?”

Raja: “I wouldn’t say you’re more important than the TV – it’s about equal.”

Raja: “No, but seriously, you’re obviously more important to me than TV is.  If you were hanging off a cliff by a rope, and TV were hanging off a cliff by a rope, I’d definately try to save you first.”

Raja: “I could always buy a new TV; but new girlfriends are too expensive.”

Raja: “Your computer’s making funny noises?  Here’s what you do:  just pick it up, and shake it real hard.  Shuts it up every time.  Works with small children, too.”

Girlfriend: “You know what they say about assuming…”
Raja: “It makes an ass out of you.”
Girlfriend: “And me.”
Raja: “Exactly.”

    There were more, but I’m pretty sure that if I posted them, she’d break up with me.

   Ah, High-School Graduation.  The prestigious right-of-passage that teenagers work many hard, laberous years of their lives to earn.  For the few that make it, an unspeakable honor is bestowed unto them in the form of a cardboard roll-out with their name on it.  Yes, the mood is definately light tonight as my peers politely celebrate by politely getting drunk and politely making obscene gestures and comments to the strippers at the Gentleman’s Club they’re all meeting up at.

   School was officially let out for the Seniors on Thursday, where we were told to meet up at the bowling alley at 7:00 for the Senior lock-in.  However, apparently some kids managed to get into a car accident, and a girl was sent to intensive care.  During the bowling tournament, they asked us all to take a moment of silence for the girl; Jason, presumably not hearing them, bowled anyways.  It sounded something like this:
“Let us please have a moment of silence for [name], who was injured in a car crash and is now in intensive care.” … *thud* *dum-da-dum-da-dum* *CRASH*
I laughed through the whole moment-of-silence.

   When I went to bowl my first frame, I slipped (because I was wearing socks, since they ran out of bowling shoes).  I hit my head on the floor and had a concussion for the rest of the night; I also gashed my leg on the ball-return, and was bleeding the whole night.
I wasn’t planning on using that blood, anyways.

   Later that night, they held the Texas Hold-’em tournament.  I went all-in my first hand, without looking at my cards, and for most of the rest of the game, I was chip leader.  Later on, Matt went all-in with a pair-of-twos showing on the flop.  Seeing as he was obviously bluffing, I called.
How the hell was I supposed to know he had pocket-fours!?
   At about 3:00 in the morning, the lock-in ended (not much of a lock-in, eh?).  Jason drove me home, where we played Tetris Attack until 5:30 – I’ve been playing that game way too much lately.  It has gotten to the point where, when I close my eyes, I see bricks rearranging themselves to form rows in my head.  I was staring at the ceiling earlier, and the tiles started moving themselves and disappearing when three-or-more alike tiles matched up.
Damn, if there were tournaments for that game, I’m sure I would win.

   I woke up after less than an hour of sleep to bring my girlfriend her calculator (*que sound of whip cracking*).  When I walked back home (because, even now, out of High School, I don’t have my license), it took me a long while to get back to sleep.  Before I knew it, Jason was over again and it was time to go to practice-graduation.
   blah blah blah nothing interesting etc. etc. etc.
   Later, at (real) graduation, they asked for another moment of silence for the girl.  It went something like this:
“Let us please have a moment of silence for [name], who was injured in a car crash and is now in intensive care.” … *Idiots in back start clapping*
I laughed through the whole moment-of-silence, again.

   I took off my shoes to receive my diploma.  I didn’t realize that my socks didn’t match until a little girl pointed it out to me, just as my name was called.  Oops.  I went up to receive my diploma, shook the principal’s hand, and told him, “I’m just as surprised as you are.”

   And now I’m a college man.