Yesterday during church (that’s right, I go to church; so get used to it and stop emailing me), the pastor had a bunch of 8th- and 9th-grade kids file down the aisle and sit in front of the congregation. At first, I expected them to start taking their clothes off, but apparently the church I go to isn’t Catholic. Instead, the Pastor began asking them questions for what I believe is known as the “examination,” a trial before confirmation in which kids are called upon to answer questions about the Bible; this is the first year that they held it in public, during a church-service. At first, the questions were dry and expected: “Will you go to heaven if you don’t believe in Jesus,” “Which of the ten commandments tells you to love thy neighbor like thyself,” et cetera. However, after one of the questions the pastor suddenly broke out into story:
Pastor: “Janie loves money. She decided she doesn’t like being poor, and from then on she spent all of her time gathering money. She got two jobs, and worked overtime so that she would always have money to buy the things she wanted. What is Janie’s problem?”
Answer: “The money has become Janie’s God.“
‘Ok,’ I thought, ‘that could have been worded a little better, but I think I can see what they’re trying to say.’
Pastor: “Jack bought a broken down old 1967 Chevy a few years ago. Since then, Jack has put all of his time and money into fixing it up. He bought new tires, new rims, put in a new engine, and now spends all his money paying for gas and insurance for his car. What is Jack’s problem?”
Answer: “The car has become Jack’s God.“
‘What the hell? They’re teaching the kids that having a hobby and setting goals for yourself is bad? Are you expected to just devote all your time, when you’re not too busy working for your survival or popping out babies, to the church? Could they get any fiendishly lower?’
Pastor: “One man donates a percentage of his paycheck to the church each week; one man gives a fixed amount each week; and one man doesn’t donate at all. Who is God most pleased with?”
Answer: “The percentage.”
Pastor: “That’s right – God prefers a percentage of your paycheck to a fixed amount.”
At this point I broke out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, although I was able to keep quiet enough that only the few people around me took notice. The examination, meanwhile, continued.
Pastor: “Sarah, can you define marriage?”
Answer: “Marriage is a holy union between a man and a woman.“
Pastor: “That’s right – marriage is between a man and a woman; not between two men or two women.”
…
Pastor: “Can anyone give me a passage from the Bible that supports the fact that God is against abortion?”
…
Pastor: “Does a man have the right to take another man’s life?”
Answer: “No.“
Pastor: “That’s right; no one has the right to take the life of another man – except the government. The government has an iron sword with which it rules over all people, and if that means administering the death penalty, so be it.”
‘HO-LY-CRAP‘ (no pun intended) – that was the most blatent propeganda I had ever heard. I was half expecting the pastor to pull out a Cheney-Rumsfeld ’08 sign and hang it on the altar. Seriously, people; although the religion is bad enough, it can at least be condoned – BUT LEAVE POLITICS OUT OF IT. Most kids have enough problems without you forcing your skewed opinions down their throats.
The worst part, though, is the fact that the pastor could preach about the evils of killing an unborn fetus, and two minutes later turn around and, while managing to hold a straight face, start talking about how the government has the right to kill a human being – and no one thought twice about it.
The pastor went on to discuss how God gave governments the right to conduct war.
