a brief monologue by BlueRaja
Here we are: the water aisle. I don’t understand why they’d need an entire aisle for water – how many kinds of water could there possibly be?
Oh gosh, look at all the different flavors. I never thought I’d see the day when people would pay money for flavored water…and look, this flavored water is carbinated. How is that any different from diet soda?
Wait, isn’t this that stuff that CNN said caused cancer?
Okay, back on track, Raja; you’re here to buy some water. Just normal, plain old water. Now where is it?
Well, here’s some “Spring Water” – that sounds farly clean. But what is this? “Purified Water.” Don’t they purify the stuff that comes from springs? Is this non-spring water that’s gone through the same process? What about this “Distilled Water?” Is that any cleaner than this purified water? I wonder if it comes from a spring.
Hey, look. This container says “Drinking Water.” Does that mean the other waters weren’t for drinking?
Wait, isn’t drinking water free?
Maybe I’ll just get some of that flavored water. I’ve always wondered what it would taste like if someone genetically mixed water and cherries, if water had genes.
But, I don’t want cancer…I heard on CNN that it’s not very good for you.
I wonder if they purify the water before they add the flavors to it…
Perhaps I should just get the drinking water. After all, I do intend on drinking it..but, what if it’s not pure? What if it’s not safe to drink? I could take a bottle of mercury and label it “drinking mercury;” that doesn’t make it any safer to drink.. what if the drinking water is just the purified water that wasn’t pure enough to pass all the pure water tests? And what the hell does distilled mean?
Maybe I’ll just get a can of soda. Yeah, that sounds safe. A nice, air-tight can of soda.
Hmm…but according to the label, the number one ingredient is “water.” That’s it. “Water.” What if it’s not pure water? What if it’s actually pond water? What if Coca-Cola takes the water that’s not pure enough or springy enough to be Dasani and uses it for their sodas?
AHH!!! To heck with this, there are just too many choices here; I’m going to the coffee aisle instead.
